I have been avoiding all of you.
You (all my blogging ladies) have been helping me stay accountable for 2 years.
Not any longer. I have avoided posting because I don't know what to do....I don't know what to say. I'm not even sure if I should have this blog any longer...I'm not banded.
I am actually jealous of you...yes you. I want my lap band back....and I can't....and I need help with my eating.
Sooooo, I am having a hard time commenting on your posts because I am happy for your continued sucess but sad for me.
I really feel like I spend all this money, worked super hard to lose weight, and now I feel it slipping away.
I am sad, lost, and confused.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
It's like the dreaded "Freshmen 15"
What do I mean by that title?
Hmmm. Well, having my band removed sure eliminated my immediate medical issues but it has opened up a whole new batch of different issues. Mainly eating.
I went a little crazy once I could start eating real food again. You know, just like the kid that goes off to college and goes a little overboard with pizza, beer, dorm food, and crap eating b/c they are finally on their own? (I didn't go off to college at age 42 but remember I wasn't able to eat really anything for 20+ days before removal but have had band difficulties since the beginning.) Ok. A little crazy we can deal with...but then that turned into a road trip to Vegas with some serious alcohol....and cookies...and puffy Cheetos, etc. I worked out each day of the trip for 1.5 to 2 hours but my body held on to every single calorie!
Then I was back on track for a few weeks but then off to Laughlin and repeated the steps above
with food and liquor.
Mixed in with all of this stupid eating behavior, I have been mourning the loss of my band....hence my feelings of not having ANY control over my eating....hating my surgeon- who I blame for giving me such a tiny pouch and not knowing that it was extra tiny & would cause me to vomit if I had more than 2 TBSP of food ...... feeling sorry for myself......scared.....and yes, gaining weight. I haven't actually gained "the freshie 15" but I have gained 8 lbs from the weight I had previously maintained for a year.
I was in tears this morning because every day the scale seems to go up just a bit. All of those .1 and .2 changes are adding up. I am using MFP and logging in my food. I am exercising the same as always.
I am freaking out. Please advise.
Hmmm. Well, having my band removed sure eliminated my immediate medical issues but it has opened up a whole new batch of different issues. Mainly eating.
I went a little crazy once I could start eating real food again. You know, just like the kid that goes off to college and goes a little overboard with pizza, beer, dorm food, and crap eating b/c they are finally on their own? (I didn't go off to college at age 42 but remember I wasn't able to eat really anything for 20+ days before removal but have had band difficulties since the beginning.) Ok. A little crazy we can deal with...but then that turned into a road trip to Vegas with some serious alcohol....and cookies...and puffy Cheetos, etc. I worked out each day of the trip for 1.5 to 2 hours but my body held on to every single calorie!
Then I was back on track for a few weeks but then off to Laughlin and repeated the steps above
with food and liquor.
Mixed in with all of this stupid eating behavior, I have been mourning the loss of my band....hence my feelings of not having ANY control over my eating....hating my surgeon- who I blame for giving me such a tiny pouch and not knowing that it was extra tiny & would cause me to vomit if I had more than 2 TBSP of food ...... feeling sorry for myself......scared.....and yes, gaining weight. I haven't actually gained "the freshie 15" but I have gained 8 lbs from the weight I had previously maintained for a year.
I was in tears this morning because every day the scale seems to go up just a bit. All of those .1 and .2 changes are adding up. I am using MFP and logging in my food. I am exercising the same as always.
I am freaking out. Please advise.
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