Friday, July 12, 2013

It's like the dreaded "Freshmen 15"

What do I mean by that title?

Hmmm.  Well, having my band removed sure eliminated my immediate medical issues but it has opened up a whole new batch of different issues. Mainly eating.

I went a little crazy once I could start eating real food again.  You know, just like the kid that goes off to college and goes a little overboard with pizza, beer, dorm food, and crap eating b/c they are finally on their own?  (I didn't go off to college at age 42 but remember I wasn't able to eat really anything for 20+ days before removal but have had band difficulties since the beginning.)  Ok.  A little crazy we can deal with...but then that turned into a road trip to Vegas with some serious alcohol....and cookies...and puffy Cheetos, etc.  I worked out each day of the trip for 1.5 to 2 hours but my body held on to every single calorie!

Then I was back on track for a few weeks but then off to Laughlin and repeated the steps above
with food and liquor.

Mixed in with all of this stupid eating behavior, I have been mourning the loss of my band....hence my feelings of not having ANY control over my eating....hating my surgeon- who I blame for giving me such a tiny pouch and not knowing that it was extra tiny & would cause me to vomit if I had more than 2 TBSP of food ...... feeling sorry for myself......scared.....and yes, gaining weight.  I haven't actually gained "the freshie 15" but I have gained 8 lbs from the weight I had previously maintained for a year. 

I was in tears this morning because every day the scale seems to go up just a bit.  All of those .1 and .2 changes are adding up.  I am using MFP and logging in my food.  I am exercising the same as always. 

I am freaking out.  Please advise.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry. I can't only imagine the helpless feeling and the frustration of having had a 'tool' to help you and have it be stripped away. And on top of that the freeing feeling of being able to EAT without pain and vomiting, would tend to make anyone go a little crazy. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but really I don't. I think probably the best thing is to allow yourself to feel those feelings, frustration, anger, and somehow find a way to process them. Sorry I don't have much more than that, just sending you hugs tho...