Saturday, July 13, 2013


I have been avoiding all of you.

You (all my blogging ladies) have been helping me stay accountable for 2 years. 

Not any longer.  I have avoided posting because I don't know what to do....I don't know what to say.  I'm not even sure if I should have this blog any longer...I'm not banded.

I am actually jealous of you...yes you.  I want my lap band back....and I can't....and I need help with my eating.

Sooooo, I am having a hard time commenting on your posts because I am happy for your continued sucess but sad for me.

I really feel like I spend all this money, worked super hard to lose weight, and now I feel it slipping away. 

I am sad, lost, and confused. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

It's like the dreaded "Freshmen 15"

What do I mean by that title?

Hmmm.  Well, having my band removed sure eliminated my immediate medical issues but it has opened up a whole new batch of different issues. Mainly eating.

I went a little crazy once I could start eating real food again.  You know, just like the kid that goes off to college and goes a little overboard with pizza, beer, dorm food, and crap eating b/c they are finally on their own?  (I didn't go off to college at age 42 but remember I wasn't able to eat really anything for 20+ days before removal but have had band difficulties since the beginning.)  Ok.  A little crazy we can deal with...but then that turned into a road trip to Vegas with some serious alcohol....and cookies...and puffy Cheetos, etc.  I worked out each day of the trip for 1.5 to 2 hours but my body held on to every single calorie!

Then I was back on track for a few weeks but then off to Laughlin and repeated the steps above
with food and liquor.

Mixed in with all of this stupid eating behavior, I have been mourning the loss of my band....hence my feelings of not having ANY control over my eating....hating my surgeon- who I blame for giving me such a tiny pouch and not knowing that it was extra tiny & would cause me to vomit if I had more than 2 TBSP of food ...... feeling sorry for myself......scared.....and yes, gaining weight.  I haven't actually gained "the freshie 15" but I have gained 8 lbs from the weight I had previously maintained for a year. 

I was in tears this morning because every day the scale seems to go up just a bit.  All of those .1 and .2 changes are adding up.  I am using MFP and logging in my food.  I am exercising the same as always. 

I am freaking out.  Please advise.