It's time to GET REAL with myself and you-- 4 months into the journey

After Drazil's http://www.justmedrazilandsheniqua.com/ most recent BYOC on Friday the 28th, I really got to thinking. (Oh I know, I try not to do that too often.)  Many items talked about why you blog, who knows about your blog and or surgery, if you are public or anonymous, etc.  I started to realize that I am not being truly honest on my own blog.  I tell the truth about what I post BUT there is a lot I leave out. 

1.  I have never posted my weight..... today it's 164 but I don't want anyone to do the math and see "holy shit she was 205 at one point."  (only 24 more pounds to go though!!)

2.  I have kept my surgery a secret from almost everyone...about 15 people know and this is including only a few family members.  I am afraid that people would discount the work you have to do to make this tool work. ( I am actually kind of ashamed that I couldn't deal with my "food issues" with out help.)  There is so much of a stigma attached to WLS....people wrongly assume it's a "magic wand" or the "easy way out."  WE know that is not the case.  I have to work every single day to follow the rules.

3.  I am a food addict.  I use food to cope.  I use food to soothe.  I love the way food feels while I am chewing it.  (Notice I didn't say how food tastes....for 25 years I don't think I really tasted the food as much as ate it as fast as I could.)  Things have changed though over the last 11 months.  I try to really savor each bite.........it could be all that chewing before swallowing, trying to listen to my body, think about "am I satisfied" etc. that forces me to focus on the taste.  Regardless, I am glad.

4.  I get so much from all of your blogs and I don't really ever thank you.  I was reading your blogs well before I had even admitted to myself that I was going to get the surgery.  Your words, victories and struggles inspire me every day.  Thank you.

How
real
are
you?