Sunday, October 30, 2011

It's time to GET REAL with myself and you-- 4 months into the journey

After Drazil's most recent BYOC on Friday the 28th, I really got to thinking. (Oh I know, I try not to do that too often.)  Many items talked about why you blog, who knows about your blog and or surgery, if you are public or anonymous, etc.  I started to realize that I am not being truly honest on my own blog.  I tell the truth about what I post BUT there is a lot I leave out. 

1.  I have never posted my weight..... today it's 164 but I don't want anyone to do the math and see "holy shit she was 205 at one point."  (only 24 more pounds to go though!!)

2.  I have kept my surgery a secret from almost everyone...about 15 people know and this is including only a few family members.  I am afraid that people would discount the work you have to do to make this tool work. ( I am actually kind of ashamed that I couldn't deal with my "food issues" with out help.)  There is so much of a stigma attached to WLS....people wrongly assume it's a "magic wand" or the "easy way out."  WE know that is not the case.  I have to work every single day to follow the rules.

3.  I am a food addict.  I use food to cope.  I use food to soothe.  I love the way food feels while I am chewing it.  (Notice I didn't say how food tastes....for 25 years I don't think I really tasted the food as much as ate it as fast as I could.)  Things have changed though over the last 11 months.  I try to really savor each could be all that chewing before swallowing, trying to listen to my body, think about "am I satisfied" etc. that forces me to focus on the taste.  Regardless, I am glad.

4.  I get so much from all of your blogs and I don't really ever thank you.  I was reading your blogs well before I had even admitted to myself that I was going to get the surgery.  Your words, victories and struggles inspire me every day.  Thank you.




  1. Great post! I will admit I might be a little to real with my blog and even my life. Even before I had surgery I told everyone I was getting it, I admitted I needed help losing weight and had problems that were beyond my control of fixing on my own. I have always been upfront with my weight and what number it is every week. It was hard at first admitting I was 270 lbs and showing pictures of myself, I was so embarrassed but I knew it had to be part of my journey, if I can encourage just one person to change their life based on my story then I feel accomplished. Everyone in the world I know or engage with tend to find out about my surgery, I don't hide it from anyone. I in fact have gotten great feedback from it, people asking more information on the surgery and checking into it for themselves or others. Asking me for nutrition or work out advice. It's inspiring for myself and then knowing I inspire others makes me smile.

  2. Awww - I bet that felt good didn't it? YOu go girl!

  3. Honesty feels good......thanks so much for sharing.

  4. Thanks so much for sharing lady!!
    Feels good I know! Just to let go some things we've all hidden for so long!

  5. I wish I was less real, I talk about my struggles too much, I think! lol

    I don't think 205 is too bad, especially since I started at 273. Then again, everyone's body types are different, so 205 might have been your 273. :)

  6. Oh Sweetie, I am so proud of you! Especially since I am one of the trusted 3! You know how much I have struggled with these food demons too and appreciate all the hard work it takes to get your life back. I hope to achieve the success you have experienced this year too. I want to be healthy so I can be your friend forever! Love you!