Do you ever ......?

Do you ever wonder if your clothes won't fit even though they fit yesterday?

I do.  I sometimes worry, stress ....freak my self out...that overnight I gained back all 60+ pounds.

Do you ever find yourself watching a "diet" infomercial or reading an ad for some "magic diet pill" and seriously considering it?

I do.  I forget that I am close to my goal weight.  I still have those moments when I feel desperate to take charge of my weight.  Then I realize, I don't need that infomerical/ pill....I am working my band.

Do you ever feel like you look fit only to see yourself in a different mirror and think....is that what I really look like?

I do.  Sometimes the mirror shows a different body than I feel like I have.  Which image is "real?"

Do you ever force yourself to go to bed because that is the only way to make sure you don't eat anything else for the day?

I do.  I am going to bed right now for that exact reason.

I know I have come a long way in the last 20 months dealing with the mental component of food addiction......the negative self talk, the compulsiveness, the thoughts about food.........but I still have so far to go.  One day at a time.

My Love Affair With Food Is Over..at least for now.

Yep.  The title says it all. 

 I am an emotional eater...or at least I was.  I am a "recovering food addict."  That label fits better. 

I would be soothed by putting food in my mouth.  I have a LONG history of this behavior.

I remember as a kid getting a bag of Skittles to mix in Vanilla ice cream and the binge would begin.   Or the time my sister and I ate an entire large bag of Doritos while looking for the "cheesiest chip." 

Stressed?  Eat something.

Bored?  Eat something.

Sad & depressed?  Eat something.

Over the last 16 months I have tried to break this cycle.  I have been quite sucessful....surprising myself daily.

Since getting the band 8 months ago, I haven't been able to binge.  Even if I wanted to....my band wouldn't really let me be a total glutton.

Now that I am in the "green zone,"  I notice that eating isn't nearly as fun, enjoyable, and relaxing as it used to be.  It's just more work to eat and I can't eat the large quantities that used to make me feel temporarily good....of course followed by self-loathing and guilt.

The point is that my band does not make the food choices for me, but it does keep what ever I have chosen in check....I physically CAN NOT binge.  (Happily, I haven't binged on ice cream or sliders...because we all know we can get those down easy enough!)  I have wanted to binge a few times though.

Hopefully, I will continue to deal with my emotions in healthy ways and NEVER go back to food as my crutch. 

Food is my addiction and something I have to deal with every day...some days are easier than others though.