I am ready for another installment of Ten Things Thursday...hope you are too!
1. Feeling really depressed lately. I feel out of control when it comes to food. I am trying to track my food on MFP in hopes of taking back the control but usually stop putting things in by 4pm. It's a form of denial.
2. This weekend is the Wine Country Half Marathon...I am missing out on participating because of my surgery to remove the band. Talk about a double whammy! Bummer.
3. I had a meltdown of EPIC PROPORTIONS last night. I have been really depressed for the last week...it's all related to my band removal. I feel loss, anger at my dr. and life, frustrated that I spent all of the money and the band failed me, fear that I will gain all the weight back.
My husband was sooooooo supportive. He said so many great things BUT he does not understand the idea of binge eating. He doesn't get the "compulsiveness" of it.
4. I binged last night. Yes that is what sent me over the edge into hysteria. I ate 3 whole zucchini's (see picture from the recipe below) along with 3 oz of baked chicken. I know, at least it wasn't a pint of ice cream but WHO DOES THAT????? Zucchini??? This is the concern....it's not logical. This is the compulsiveness....I just kept going back for more. Picking at it. WHY??? It scared me right down to more core. All of the hard work I have done over the last two years seemed to disappear and I felt exactly how I have felt me entire life (before the band) ............I felt powerless around food.
5. I am trying lots of different home workouts available on YouT*be. I am really interested in the Tracy And*rs*n ones....seems like it might be a good supplement to working the large muscle groups at the gym. Anyone done these??? (I'm not doing the post preggo workout but it's still her in the picture :0)
6. Next week I am going to see the surgeon who removed my band. He's not the dr. who placed it, but I felt like he was very straight forward with me. I put off my follow up appointment (as part of my denial) because I want to talk about the vertical sleeve but I don't think I will like what he has to say.
7. I am hooked on "pop corners" snacks. I just love them!!!
8. This month is the LONGEST ever!!! I just have to make it until June....then I can count down the days until summer vacation. (AS much as I enjoy my job, I really despise the month of May.)
9. Going to get a mani/pedi on Sunday for Mother's Day.
10. Finally going to watch the "Amazing Race" finale tonight with all the neighbors. Give me the strength not to overeat.
Have a good one!
I'd be melting down too! Good luck.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I hope your Mother's Day was fantastic and you're feeling a little brighter today!
ReplyDeleteOh my-- I am so sorry, I have not been reading enough lately. I need to look back and see what happened.
ReplyDeletePlease do not give up.
Here is what I know about my own binge eating, and it may seem like 'duh!'-- I find that I get into a 'I want to eat and cannot stop' when I eat ANYTHING processed.
If I just stop myself, or 'start over' the next day by eating ONLY whole foods (the only thing in it is the ingredient: think- apple, romaine lettuce, anchovy, salmon) with on additives and focus on protein, I am able to get myself back on track. I see you were eating zucchini (good!) but it was breaded (that may have been the problem.) Also: are you drinking tons of water? That may help too. Finally: go back to the doctor and get whatever help you need... I am thinking about you! Many of our fellow bloggers have been in this space before and come out the other side (including band removal and finding other options.) Don't give up.