I have got an announcement

Unfortunately, due to all of the problems I have been having with my band, it became medically necessary to have my band removed.

Many of you followed along with my tales of woe...the days of not eating, excessive vomiting of water, unrelenting pain, total unfills, chills and shakes, complete tightness in spite of being unfilled..etc.  you have listened to it all.

Unfortunately the incident that began on march 28 th and has continued for 20 days has now been resolved.  I took your advice and got a second opinion.  On Tuesday  4/16 I went to my GP explained my situation and asked for a referral,to a GI.   He was happy to do so b/c he wanted me to have an endoscopy and CAT scan.  Before I got the referrals, the following day I was in so much pain that my doctor sent me to the ER.  Based on the CT scan there, I found out I had a slipped band and part of my stomach was crimped up.

Transferred to another hospital so they could take the band out immediately.  

It has been a week now....I am healing up fine and dandy....but I am sad, fearful, disappointed, and confused.

Where do I go from here?  I worked so hard for 2 years to lose the weight and work this body into a fit one.  Will it all slip through my fingers?

I am eating real food again....super hungry ALL THE TIME....feeling a little reckless because I can eat tortilla chips ... what now?

Words of encouragement or advice would be much appreciated.

It's official....I hate my band.

You know the saying:  "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"---well, that's why you haven't heard from me in months.  My band is out to get me....I am sure of it now.  Here's my tale of woe.

You may remember that I have been all over the place with fills and un-fills since I got the band almost 2 years ago. I got a complete unfill last June (2012) and have moved up to 2cc in September 2012.  Should be fine right???

WRONG.
 
My band and/or tummy are just not happy with each other.  I have found that I have a SUPER DUPER small pouch  (24 cc).  A year ago my dr. said that "was a bit on the small size but no big deal."  (I wanted to say to the dr:    Uh....maybe that is why my band is so sensitive to .1cc fill.......ya think???)

After several very strange band events the last two months, resulting in throwing up 10-15 times in one day...not being able to hold even water down, sleeping for 12-14 hours to try and reduce swelling, etc.  I know it's not "food poisoning"--which is what the support group leader suggested.  I know it's my band.

On the 28th of March I had a little issue with dinner...not stuck but some excessive burping through the evening.  Had a hard time eating the next day, so mostly did mushies. (Was going through some serious stress at the same time....student confided she is pregnant.  oh boy...now what?) Saturday was the same...lots of tightness...eating very little.  Sunday morning......repeat.  By Monday, April 1st, I was very unhappy--couldn't keep water down....bad pain, woke up two nights in a row with reflux.  I went to dr. on 4/2 in tears and got a complete unfill.

Dr. looks in my chart and note that I had an upper GI last June and an abdominal ultrasound and everything with the band looks great.  No slips.  He comments again that my pouch is tiny.....this time he mentions that most pouches are between 30-40 cc.....I am 24cc....half of what some "normal" pouches measure.  Hello!  Why is my pouch so small in the first place???  Is this why my body is soooooooo sensitive to fills, hormones, food, stress, the moon being in the 3rd phase?? 

Unfortunately, even though I got an unfill,  I still couldn't even get broth down for several days.  By FRIDAY 4/5,  I have essentially gone through an entire week not eating and barely drinking---each sip brought nerve pain in my back and tons of burps.  Called dr. office and was advised to continue with clear liquids through the weekend.  Come in on Monday if still a problem. 

At this point I am worried that I will get dehydrated, mad at myself because I MUST have done something to cause this, wondering what is "really wrong with my band," etc.  Why did I choose "lap band?"  What do I do if something is wrong and I have to pay to get it removed?  How come I hadn't heard of the verticle sleeve back then??

Bottom line, I am still on liquids and mushies.  Eating maybe 1/4 cup of food 3 times a day.  I hope that things work out and I am able to eat solids again some day.

Ugh!!!   I am so jealous of those of you who love their bands.

A Minor Miracle

Believe it or not.....miracles do happen.

Here's my story:

I took the kids to swim practice on a cold, windy day.  This is a rarity in So.Cal but it was a VERY cold day.  I was planning to do a little walk/jog/walk while they swam.  I had clocked on my odometer how far point A would be from point B (the pool.)

Well.........I set off to get in my exercise thinking I would walk a few minutes first and then try and do a bit of running.  I didn't even get out of the parking lot at a WALK.....it was sooooo damn cold.......I had to start running right away.

I kept running.  I wanted to stop but I also wanted to see if I could make it all the way to the "turn around spot" without stopping. 

I hate running.

My ipod battery died after 3 songs.....ugh!!!!  BUT I still kept running.

(I told you this was a miracle!!!)

I got to the "turn around spot" and decided to see how long I could go on the return trip without resorting to slowing to a walk.

I made it the whole way.   32 continuous minutes.  (Now the whole route was only 2.5 miles BUT I HATE running and have NEVER EVER run for more than 5 minutes in a stretch on the treadmill so this was a big deal!)

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!  Ok, maybe I am overstating a bit but this was amazing to me because  I. HATE. RUNNING.

Maybe running 7 of the 13.1 miles I am signed up to do in May won't be all that bad.

Ten Things Thursday

I don't know who will start TTT this week but since I have a few minutes to spare, I am gonna get a jump on it!

1.  I have been away from my blog for way too long!

Here I am...just in case you forgot who I was! 

 I have been reading yours though...commenting occasionally...kind of lurking.

I think this may be avoidance.

2.  I am struggling.  My weight is fluctuating.  I feel out of control.

3.  My band has been doing all kinds of weird things.  I still only have 2.25cc or 2.5cc (I actually can't remember!)  and normally have NO restriction AT ALL.  Flew to the east coast over the holidays and spent quite a few of the days not being able to eat ANYTHING.  I was all over the place with crazy restriction. Why would that be??

4.  Did I mention that I am struggling?  It's freaking me out.  I am so afraid that the couple pounds of regain are going to turn into 10...then 15 etc.  I keep trying to get back on track but the weight doesn't budge.

5.  I want to get a fill so I feel back in control of my eating but after the craziness of last week and being too tight.....I am TOTALLY afraid.

6.  Going "back to basics" with my band.  No more pushing the limits to see if I can eat bread.  Got my stop- watch out again to slow me down.  Measuring everything.  (If I can't get a fill, I better use the "rules" in order to get back in control.)

7.  My New Year's Resolutions are to spend less $ and get more done!  I have replaced my wardrobe with all size 8 items.......so I don't NEED to shop....I just love it.  No more for awhile.

I also want to get more done around my house.  Work in the yard, try and replace my eating compulsion with cleaning and organizing.

8.  I have made a goal to lose 5 pounds by April 15th.  I will do this by using MFP, working out, and blogging my honest emotions.

9.  I am really having an urge to get a puppy.....seeing Robyn's little Hugo just kills me. I won't get a dog...no time for the extra responsibility...but darn it....I think I secretly wished I would have had 3 kids instead of 2 and think a puppy will help.  Pipe dream!

10.  I am running a half-marathon over Mother's Day weekend.  I hate to run. 

Remind me.........why did I sign up????

See ya!

What I love about me

As Amy suggested on her blog, I am going to write a list of a few things I love about me.  This is actually quite challenging....I don't really think about this topic much.

1.  I love my CALVES.  Yes, I said it!!!  I have great claves....muscular & defined but not big.  They look good while wearing heals or rocking the elliptical machine.  (I know b/c I was checking myself out yesterday on the elliptical.)

2.  I am happy.  99% of the time I am happy and everyone knows it.  My students think I drink tons of coffee...but I am just a naturally positive kind of gal.

3.  I am a good wife, mom, & teacher.  I take all 3 of my "jobs" seriously.....and I am gonna be successfull at them!

4.  I have a great work ethic. 

5.  I am a good friend.

6.  I am funny.  (I crack myself up all the time)

7.  I am strong and independent.

The list of things I don't like might be just as long.......uh oh!

Have a good day!

10 Things Thursday

Happy Thursday!

Wow!  What a crazy week.  I didn't intend for THURSDAY to be the only day I post something but.......

1.  Being back at work has shown me that stress is one of my food triggers.  All I want to do these days is munch.  I find myself trying to replace my food obsession with other things.  Diet coke ...I buy a huge one at Circle K a couple times a week to drink at work. Dove Promises...damn those tasty little treats.  On-line shopping.....I browse (not while at work!) an awful lot but usually don't actually place the order. 

Why can't I become obsessed with cleaning?  Or gardening?

2.  I am really struggling with my weight...trying to keep it from creeping up.  I definitely need more fluid in my band if I want to lose that last 5-10 lbs but I just got a fill.  Maybe getting the band up to 2.75 cc will help.

3.  I planted some lovely plants in our front yard this weekend...in the 100 degree heat.  It's kind of funny how happy those little plants make me when I walk by them.  I have NEVER been interested in the yard before but who knows where this will lead.

4.  I still hate dislike running, BUT one minute sprints are still in my workout. Unfortunately, they have not become more enjoyable.

5.  Everyone talks about running a half-marathon or doing a sprint triathalon.......Why can't I find a Zumba-thon?  Like a 5 hour deal?  (I actually looked on-line for one!  I found a 2 hour class but it's an hour away from where I live.)

6.  My new "go-to" dinner idea is the Kraft "Fresh Takes" for chicken or pork.  If you haven't tried these, you should.  I bought some with coupons and got them for $0.75 each.  My family loves them and they only add 100 calories to my chicken.  For me it's totally worth it to have a break from another grilled chicken breast.

7.  I ordered two new shirts for Zumba...I am sprucing up my workout wear!  Unfortunately, I ordered Large and they are SKIN TIGHT.  Nice for the ol' ego huh??  Hopefully, I can exchange them for larger sizes.

8.  I am currently obsessed with flavoring my greek yogurt.  Add some SF instant pudding mix, a little skim milk, 2 squirts SF Torani or some splenda and I am good to go!! 

My fav combinations lately are Pistachio pudding w/ toasted pistachios on top, Butterscotch pudding with  SF caramel Torani and cut up banana--maybe a few walnuts too, Lemon pudding with blueberries or strawberries, or Cheesecake pudding with fruit or a few chocolate chips.  Yum--o

9.  I think I might have gotten the "full" signal at dinner tonight. (it's also TOM so that could be it but I am hoping it's just my band doing it's job.)   I know that sounds strange since I have been banded for 15 months BUT my experience with the band has been soooooooooo hit or miss.  No restriction or too much restriction.  I have NEVER been in the green zone. 

10.  Looking forward to spending some time with the family this weekend.  I am sure you are too!!!
Big Hugs!!!

Weigh in Wednesday

Struggling like crazy.  Really want to get another fill.

Highest weight: 205
Pre surgery weight: 180
Goal weight :140-142
Current weight:  145.2