10 things THURSDAY

It's Thursday already?????  Where did the week go?

I have had so much going on that I haven't read,commented, or posted this week.  I am out of town now & hope to have some downtime to catch up with what has been going on.

1.  Out of town for the next few days for my SIL wedding

2.  Brought my workout wear & am going to get in a workout fri, sat, & Sunday.

3.  Today is my 15th wedding anniversary!  I am the same size (not weight) that I was at 26 after 8 months on phen-fen...the wonder diet pill of the 90s.

4.  I tried Pilates on the reformer last night for the first time. Gotta love Plum District for the deal.  I hav3 10 more sessions.

5.  I am not giving up...let me repeat....NOT ..giving up on my goal of another five pound loss.

6.  I keep bouncing back and forth on my weight....really my body thinks I am in maintenance.  I dont get it because I am journalling my food.

7.  My ass is seriously getting tight!  Yes, I did just give myself a compliment!  I have been working out soooooooooo hard with the weights and I can tell it is working..I feel strong.

8.  I get to see my BIL and family from the east coast tomorrow and I am soooooo excited.  They are here for the same wedding.

9.  Can't wait to get my groove on at the reception with my hubby....apparently that will be our anniversary celebration this year.

10.  I still have 1.5 cc in my band & it's still scary but I am trying to deal with it. Eating at cup of foodor more is still worrisome for me but it hasn't lead to a binge yet.  I have had to resort to gum chewing again to help with the head hunger.

Hope all is well in your world.

TTT

It's triple T baby!  (I am channeling my inner Guy Fieri...you know..."Drive-Ins, Diners, & Dives."  Anyone?  anyone?  Bueller?  Tap Tap...is this thing on????)  Thank you  Laura Belle for our Ten Things Thursday.

1.  Started my day with my husband harassing me when I went to get on the scale.  He says "whoa babe, living life on the edge huh?" 

do you want to know why he said this?

I was getting on the scale fully clothed!!!  (it was funny but what a wise ass!)

2.  I made sugar cookies with the monkeys today.  Monkey #2 has been begging to do decorate cookies since school got out....mommy kept postponing.  Ugh!  Doesn't she know that cookie dough is my kryptonite???

3.  Had a full on "graze-a-thon" yesterday.  Just kept snacking.  So mad at myself!  I did try and get things back in check today....until.....we made.....some cookies (above) .....i have had 3.  Damn I don't want to go journal those things in MFP right now.

4.  going to the beach tomorrow with several other "kindergarten" families.  Monkey #2 is sooooooo excited to see her school friends.

5.  did some walk/run intervals this morning.  I hate running but I can do it a minute at a time. 

6.  bought two pairs of shoes today...you will be voting on them, and the dress I think they go with, in the next few days.

7.  gonna get my sweat on tomorrow morning at ZUMBA with my favorite instructor.  I am also going to the gym 40 mins. before class to get my leg workout in.

8.  hoping my weight will magically get back to 142 because I am starting to see an upward trend on the scale and me no likey!

9.  One of the benefits of having virtually no fluid in my band is I can enjoy diet soda with out any problems.  The down side is I have to limit my intake or I don't drink enough plain water.  (Lap Band Gal reminded us of the issues of too much citric acid in ..... LBG: are you bulimic?  )  On my graze-a-thon yesterday I drank an entire 2 liter bottle of diet coke.  yikes.

10.  I am looking forward to going to a "symphony" in the park this weekend.  Not usually my type of music, I can apprecite it, plus it's only once a year.  It also helps offset the other 364 days of listening to the junk food of music like Katy Perry, Pink, Bruno Mars, etc.

Do you ever ......?

Do you ever wonder if your clothes won't fit even though they fit yesterday?

I do.  I sometimes worry, stress ....freak my self out...that overnight I gained back all 60+ pounds.

Do you ever find yourself watching a "diet" infomercial or reading an ad for some "magic diet pill" and seriously considering it?

I do.  I forget that I am close to my goal weight.  I still have those moments when I feel desperate to take charge of my weight.  Then I realize, I don't need that infomerical/ pill....I am working my band.

Do you ever feel like you look fit only to see yourself in a different mirror and think....is that what I really look like?

I do.  Sometimes the mirror shows a different body than I feel like I have.  Which image is "real?"

Do you ever force yourself to go to bed because that is the only way to make sure you don't eat anything else for the day?

I do.  I am going to bed right now for that exact reason.

I know I have come a long way in the last 20 months dealing with the mental component of food addiction......the negative self talk, the compulsiveness, the thoughts about food.........but I still have so far to go.  One day at a time.

Palm Springs, CA

Westin

Monkey #1 giving me a piggy back ride.

 We just got back from a little vacation.  We stayed at the Westin Villas (above) and had a blast.  For those of you unfamiliar with Palm Springs, it is H-O-T in the summer.  That's why we go...it's cheaper to stay in the HOT months...plus, it's close & nice pool to hang out in all day.  We basically lived in that pool by the way!!!

Monkey #2 wasn't tall enough to ride alone on the hotel's waterslide but Mom & Dad were happy to go with her.

  Now, pre-band, I would have still gone on the waterslide but I would have felt self-conscious.  Not this year, I really didn't think about walking around in my bathing suit. 

Do I have a rocking body?  NO!!! Do I have a normal "mom body?"  Hell yes. 

Out to dinner with the Mr.

At the pool with the Mr.

I did NOT journal my food while on vacation.  I DID eat some things I shouldn't have like Pecan Sandies and puffy Cheetos.  I DID go to the gym every day but one and worked out hard!!!  I did NOT have a binge while under the influence of alcohol...it was close, but friends and hubby kept an eye on my Cheetos consumption. I DID do a great job at portion control of meals.  Overall,  I DID have a wonderful time. 

Yesterday, I weighed in at 146 and started journaling my food and exercise again.  (TOM so my weight was more retention related than vacation related...thank goodness!)  Today, 143 lbs.  So I seemed to have maintained while on vacation.  Phew.  Thank you band.

Ten Things.........Saturday. Yep, I don't care...I am doing it anyway!

I have been away from my computer for far too long.

 I have been reading your posts, commenting...but not as often as I should..... but where has my motivation to write gone???  who knows? 

I am dedicating this TTT to update all of you on my weird pains....stomach- back-side pain...is this a band slip type situtaion? 

1.  had a total unfill about a month ago.

2.  Upper GI came back fine.  No slip...yippee

3.  Had an abdominal ultrasound to check things out....everyone seemed to be leaning towards the gallbladder acting up.

4.  Ultrasound came back great!  Had the doc who read the ultrasound, the GP, and my surgeon all confused.

5.  Apparently, nothing is wrong with me......except for the weird 9-12 hour episodes of horrible pain and the chills 3 different times over May and June.  But nothing seems to be wrong.

6.  found out my stoma can hold 24 cc in volume.  Surgeon says that's a bit on the small size...30 cc is the norm.  Really though...who out there knows how big their stoma is?? Could this account for the crazy reaction I have to the slightest fill?  Is this why eating even a 1/2 cup of food when I was filled would be impossible?  He also said something else was on the small size in diameter.  Hmmmmm.

7.  Right now I have 1.5 cc in my band and I think the most I will ever get to is going to be 2.5 cc in a 10 cc band.  Crazy huh?  I just can't seem to have much in the band with out it slamming shut.  (also see #8)

8.  Why so little in the band?  Reason #1:  Well, after a very scary month of being completely UNFILLED, I was able to fight my food addiction and not gain any weight.  It was actually kind of scary though.  I did have one binge...not too bad...but the event scared me b/c I could have completely gone back to my old ways.  It was hard to keep things in check because I could eat whatever I wanted!  Reason #2 I am about 2.5 lbs away from my goal weight of 140.  No need to get myself into some crazy pain & stuck episodes for 2.5 measly pounds.

9.  Unfortunately, those 2.5 lbs are taunting me.  Up and down the scale goes but so far, except for that one HORRIBLE day when I couldn't eat a thing and weighed 140 the next day, that scale will not move below 142.  I am not hung up on the number really, but that 140 magical number is my goal and why be content to stop trying this close to it???

10.  my BMI is a 26 according to my surgeon.  Am I normal and healthy yet????

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Happy One YEAR Band-a-versary to ME!

June 30th.....2011........ that was my surgery date.

The day of surgery...weighing 180.... after losing 25 lbs fighting my food addiction and doing the pre-op diet.

I was soooooo nervous.  I wasn't worried about anesthesia, or recovery.  I was worried about whether I could do "it."  You know....lose weight with the band or would I fail again??  Would my husband resent me every month as we made my surgery payment if I wasn't successful???

I didn't fail.....and I won't ever.

I have definitely had my ups and downs this year with my band.  (No restriction for months followed by too much restriction.....lots of PB's and the learning curve of how to eat properly with a band.)

Weight loss has not been easy. 

Weight loss has not been quick.

But I am doing it!!!

June 2012 at 143...loss of 63 lbs. total....so far!

I know the band is helping....I have never lost this much weight EVER and been this close to maintenance.  I have never eaten small portions with out a boat load of resentment for what I "can't have or the amount that I want."  The band has shown me ---mostly through negative consequences----what I can eat and how much of food I can have.  I know that exercise pays off. 

I will lose those last few pounds and I will maintain.  You will all be there to help me.......I know you will..........and because of that, I will not fail.

Ten Things THURSDAY!!!

Thanks again to the lovely and hilarious Laura Belle for our TTT.

1.  WHY CAN'T I FIGURE OUT HOW TO LINK LAURA BELLE's blog to mine when I try and thank her?????  This boggles the shit out of my pea brain!

2.  update on my tummy issues: had the upper GI last week.  Here's how it went:

*radiologist said "do you have a special kind of lap-band?"  (oh shit!!  this can't be a good start to the x ray)

my response was NO.... but why?   he said "it looks like you have an extra small stoma."  I told him that my band was COMPLETELY empty and didn't know what else to say about what is considered a normal sized stoma or not!  

Ultimately, he did some measurements, said he didn't see a band slip, and everything with the band looks good.  Esophagus looked good.   (His report arrived a few days later and confirmed that.  Follow-up call and letter by my GP said the same --now on to a gallbladder ultrasound. Going to send reports to band dr. too)

3.  I bought my first pair of size 6 shorts last weekend.  They do have a little stretch in the denim BUT I will take it.  By the way, I think my butt looks good in them!!!  That's some good self-talk for a change!  Did I mention.........size 6?????  I was a size 6 once...for about a week.....back in the 90s when I was taking the miracle diet drug phen-phen....it was such a good week.  ha ha!

4.  You may not have caught in item #2 but I am completely unfilled.  This is a scary place for a food addict.  I have made a few bad choices (i.e. a slice of pizza, some orzo pasta, a sandwich from Sub*ay....not that these foods should be totally off limits BUT for the last 7-8 months I COULD NOT eat them b/c my band wouldn't allow me too)  but limited the quantity.   I am trying to follow the "band rules" even though I know I physically don't have any limitations.  Man this is hard.

5.  Being off work for the summer means I can work out every day!  Yeah for toning!

6.  I hit my goal weight of 140 two weeks ago after not eating for a few days because of the the stomach and back pain.  It didn't last....I knew it wouldn't.

7.   I weighed in at 143.5 today so I still have 3.5 to lose to get to maintenance.  I want to maintain between 138-142.

8.  Lap-band dr. is out of town.  Waiting for him to return to get his advice at how we move forward from here.  I am thinking that I just want to go back to maybe 3 cc in my band and see if that will be doable for maintenance.  (I am a bit anxious though about how many fills that will take since my body freaks out at the smallest fill--my "paid in full"  year is almost up---how expensive will this be??)

9.  I purchased new workout wear from Old N*vy on-line.  I still have a hard time ordering Mediums...I always want to hedge and at least try large (let alone XL or XXL or plus.)  I think my brain has some catching up to do with my new sizes. 


10.  I know I still haven't posted any pictures.  I don't know why......I seem to talk myself out of taking the 'after" pictures.  I am going to get over this though---just you wait.