3 month-a-versary

Three months ago I had surgery.  Even though I have not lost as much as I thought I would 3 months out (only -12), I am still happy that I have made some progress.  I am still trying to get to the green zone and even figure out what my band will and won't allow me to eat.  38 lbs. down, 27 more to go.

I may only be 3 months banded but I have been on my journey for 10 months.  Living with a food addiction makes everyday a challenge.  I have not conquered it, but I sure am making progress.

Teenagers make me crazy!

Teenagers....kind of a curse word for me today.  Stressful and annoying day at work today involving.....yes, you guessed it, teens.  Normally I love my job.  Normally I take their sometimes ego-centric, irresponsible, & helpless behavior in stride....they really are just kids....big ones....but still kids.  Today they pushed me over the edge.  (too long of a story to even bore you with.)  Normally I would be rooting through the pantry looking for something to take the edge off....yes, food is my drug of choice.   My stress-relief.  I am tempted.

Today though is NOT a normal day.  I refuse to seek food as comfort!!!!  (NSV:  just recognizing this and STOPPING myself is a step in the right direction.)

hope your day is going great.

I am pretty sure I met Satan tonight

Yep, I think I did.  Satan was disguised as "Cherise" the adorable, hot pink & black spandex clad teacher for my workout class.  "Athletic Training?"  (my ass....literally!)  She is doing a triathlon this weekend so I think she kicked things into high gear for all of us.  Wasn't that considerate of her?

As much as I am complaining, I really do love when all my muscles are shaky and I am wanting to quit.  Serves me right for skipping her class all summer to workout in the mornings.

Now, if I can just get the scale to cooperate.  My FIRST fill on Thursday...actually, my do-over first fill.  Wish me luck since things didn't go so well last time. 

"Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of." Anonymous

Binges.  Yes, I said it......binges.  For the last 10+ years, Friday nights were my "binge nights."  Don't judge me.  It's not like I went   "wooo hooo....friday!  I am gonna eat myself silly as a reward for my stressful week"  BUT my husband works friday nights.  The kids would be in bed and I had the evening ahead of me to watch whatever I wanted on tv and treat myself to some kind of food reward.  Inevitably, one treat would lead to the next, and to the next until I was spiraling completely out of control and soothing my troubles away with ice cream or chips.  No one was there to see it happen --that's most likely why I could do it.

I always spent days after the binge guilt-ridden... sometimes the guilt lead me to another binge or all-day graze-fest.

I am happy to report that part of my pre-op work (assigned to myself by me!) was to try and break the cycle of the dreaded "binge and restrict."  I have only had one binge in 8 months which is good.  Right now though, I can feel the urge and it is scaring me.

I know the "soothing" effect from food does NOT last and the guilt that follows is horrible.  I know that the urge is part stress related and part hormonal related (TOM).  I know that my plan to go get on the treadmill will get my mind off of "mindlessly eating" --at least for awhile.  I know food is NOT the answer.  I know I can do this....it's just a bad habit.

What's your bad habit and how do you deal with trying to break it?

TGIF....BYOC

Let’s do BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy. We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break. Copy to your own blog and ENJOY!  (Thanks Drazil)

1. Do you drink coffee? Decaf or regular? Cold or hot? If not – what’s your go-to morning drink?

I like lattes....Skinny Vanilla Iced Lattes to be precise.  Now that I am banded though I am putting instant coffee in my chocolate or vanilla protein shake and getting everything (breakfast and coffee) in at the same time!  Delicious!

2. What are your top six characteristics in a partner if you could hand pick them. And just for kicks – if you’re in a relationship – after you make the list of six – does the person you are with possess all five?

 Loving
sense of humor
kind
responsible
considerate
hard worker

My husband has them all.  I am a lucky girl.


3. I’m going to pick a person – not knowing if this person even exists in your life – and you try to describe this person in 5 short words or sentences:

Paternal grandfather

Dead
smoked a pipe
didn't see him that often after my parents divorce
handsome
very strict and proper


4. What’s your signature item? Color? Piece of clothing or jewelry? Accessory? You know – that one thing people know you will ALWAYS have on?
Sad, sad, sad. I must be a candidate for "what not to wear."  I don't have a "signature" thing.  I have started to accessorize more but......

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog life.
 Real life:
School started this week....I am back to work, my kiddos are back to school.  Pipsqueak started KINDERGARTEN and looks so darn adorable in her uniform.   Loves her teacher, class and new friends.  Reecerpie started 2nd grade and thinks his teacher is "epic!"  (A frenchmen who teaches at the bi-lingual school in Spanish...love it.  The man sings, does art, runs a tight ship, and seems great.)  My actual students ... all 196 of them....seem fine so far.  I've only known them 3 days but I am certain that period 1 & period 5 will compete to be my FAVORITE class of the day...teenagers are soooo funny.....they all brag that "they are the favorite class." Usually, I adore each one of them and just let them compete to win my heart as the "fav."  I am tired though....brain and voice were still in summer mode so both are tired right now but  I still have to go workout tonight too!


Blog life:  
well, based on the above info, I have not had time to read or post....I am caught up now.  At work I can't even find 5 minutes to sit at my computer PLUS yesterday my town (and 1.5 million others living in or near my town) lost power for 6 hours.  gotta love the 99 degree weather and no electricity.  fun times!  Hope all is well with you....have a good weekend.

Don't Hate Me But....

I have to vent.....just a little, teensy, tiny bit.............is that ok?  are you still with me? 

Last week I was in desperate need of an unfill b/c apparently my body was SUPER PISSED that the dr. put fluid in my band.  (I think it was kinf of like that picture of the baby.)  Remember, he did take out half of the fluid.  I am sitting at 2cc now which he says is just enough to fill the port line and the silicon band barely......but not do anything.  Well, I am no longer in pain. Yipee!  I can drink water freely....gulp it even. Yipee!  Unfortunately, I can eat freely too-- as if I didn't have a band at all.  Now I can hardly wait until the 22nd to get my "first fill do-over" and get a little something in this puppy.  I really just want a bit of restriction....not asking for much but something.  I feel like I have been doing this whole journey on my own merits (w/ help from all of you in blog-o-sphere) and would like a little help please from the ol' band. 

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.